Group Therapy: a Way to Heal Hurt
Here is a story as old as time; people hurt people. Inside of this age-old story, I believe:
No one escapes hurt.
Hurt happens in the context of relationship, and so does healing.
Group therapy affords clients the most efficient and effective opportunity to work through hurt, to work on healing the bruises and wounds that time hasn’t seemed to heal.
Therapy is often centered around the question of, “What can I do with my hurt?” When the pain or hurt becomes unmanageable, individuals often choose a direct approach to talking about these issues in individual therapy. I call this approach ‘replaying old game film.’
‘Replaying old game film’ is looking at an event to talk through what you said, how you reacted, and analyzing your thoughts and feelings specific to what happened. Though productive, the challenge of the ‘game film’ approach is the perspective of the recorder. Correct, you, the game film recorder, are biased. And since the film is not film at all, but a retelling of the story from a singular perspective, it almost always lacks objectivity.
Consider that a quarterback watches game film so he knows what to work on in practice, and by practicing, hopes the practiced improvements will be realized in the games ahead. So, if individual therapy is ‘replaying old biased game film,’ then group therapy is the ‘practice field.’ In a therapy group, relaying the historical events of life is less important because the very same dynamics will nearly always be replayed in the relationships being formed inside the group.
Often the biggest challenge of getting individuals to join a therapy group is that most people have never heard of group therapy, and have no idea what it is or the opportunities it affords. If you are considering starting therapy, or have been in individual therapy and have not experienced the change you want, consider the items below to help determine if group therapy might be right for you.
The underlying issues for nearly all psychological symptoms and relational dissatisfaction stems from an individual’s ability to relate and communicate with others. Group therapy is an accessible and affordable mechanism through which a client can explore what their emotional needs are and practice having them met by other group members. A facilitated interpersonal therapy group will typically have between 7-10 other group members as well as guidelines to encourage interaction. Such an environment has a way of creating a microcosm, or ‘practice field’ environment, where the very relational issues a client struggles with in their everyday life will begin to appear inside the context of the group. The parallel experience or microcosm effect might seem negligible, but I can testify personally and professionally that it is a profound catalyst for change.
The main therapeutic agent of change in group therapy is universality. A majority of clients enter therapy believing they are unique in their hurt and pain. The therapeutic gain in the simple realization that there is someone else who shares a struggle or who understands what you are going through cannot be understated.
Frequently, the very characteristics which help make one successful in life (i.e. ability to make money, focus on achievement, determination and self-reliance) are the very same characteristics that present challenges in meaningful relationships. The work in group therapy often holds much more nuance and art than simply fixing something that is broken. Perhaps a client has a quick wit. While this may benefit them in a work environment, it may cause harm in a personal or intimate relationship. The quick wit often doesn’t need to be extricated completely, instead its applicability needs to be refined and analyzed. In group therapy, group members can stand in for the significant other and offer feedback of how this wit impacts relatability, creates closeness or distance, and if they believe the individual is understanding and listening to them. And so, within the context of the group, there are multiple sets of eyes actively watching to help this individual hone, nuance, and artistically learn how to stay true to their personality while maintaining, even increasing, emotional intimacy in the group, which will translate into increased emotional availability and intimacy in their actual life.
An individual’s relational ‘rules of engagement’ are often dictated by the spoken and unspoken family rules they were either told or observed growing up. In individual therapy, it can take months, if not years, to engage and determine the rules by which an individual lives. This is because there is only a single relationship - between the client and the therapist - for real-time analysis. Group therapy, with the increased availability of interactions, offers a quickening agent for the individual client to display their embedded ‘rules of engagement.’ Often the change the client was searching for begins to unfold inside the work of naming and analyzing their ‘rules of engagement.’
Individuals tend to believe on the other side of honest and direct feedback is irreparable hurt or obliteration. At the heart of group therapy is the maxim, “Group members get the most out of other group members when they are honest and authentic.” Feedback can be bucketed into several different dichotomous categories; working vs. not working, positive vs. negative, supportive/encouraging vs. critical. While extremely difficult to offer constructive feedback detailing an experience of another group member that is not working/negative/critical, the former (working/positive/supportive/encouraging) holds little weight and meaning without the latter. Therefore, a lot of time is spent in group therapy working on honest and direct feedback. As group members begin to get a taste of authentic relationship, it nearly always translates to their relationships outside of the group.
There exist exponential opportunities for emotionally corrective experiences inside of group therapy.
differentiate between anger and fear
practice exploring thoughts and feelings in a safe environment
identify codependency and how lack of self-sufficiency plays out in relationship
work through toxic shame / self-hate
identify narcissistic tendencies and grow in empathy
allow others to have and communicate their feelings (about you) that are different than what you think they are thinking or feeling
work on belonging
determine wants and needs and the autonomy to have them met
practice healthy interpersonal confrontation
identify the recurring patterns of relational dysfunction
develop progressive emotional communication to increase emotional availability and intimacy
While this list is not exhaustive, it does provide a sample of what many group members choose to work on during their time in group.
If any part or reading the above text makes you think group therapy might be right for you, I sincerely hope you will give group therapy a try. I frequently self-disclose to individual and group clients that I went back to school to get a master’s degree so I could be a group psychotherapist. After three years of individual therapy providing very little benefit to me, group therapy had a profound impact on my professional growth and greatly helped my marriage. It is hard to use written words to describe the impact of seven normal people sitting in a circle, all working toward meaningful change, wanting something in their life to be different, and being willing to offer honest interpersonal feedback to one another. Everyone has been hurt in relationship. I believe group therapy provides the clearest opportunity to work through past hurt and find healing. With me facilitating or someone else, I hope you will give group therapy a chance.
Jeff Grossman facilitates interpersonal therapy groups in Nashville & Chattanooga, Tenn., and Atlanta, Ga.
Jeff Grossman is a member of the American Group Psychological Association.